Genre: Romance? Angsty Smut? Both? Maybe?
Pairing: Jaylee aka Jayne Cobb/Kaylee Frye
Rating: M. For Sure
Warnings: Angst. And scenes not appropriate for young eyes.
Disclaimer: If I owned this would I really be writing fanfic?
Summary: Made something break within him, and what was left was all ugly like shattered bone and shredded flesh. A het sorta one sided unrequited Jaylee thing. Oneshot.
A/N: Already posted at ff.net for forever, but I'm in the process of moving my stories onto lj cause lj is awesome. Title totally ripped from Apocalyptica's song of the same name. Lyrics don't fit, except for a few, but the title just worked, so there it is.
He wasn't surprised when she cornered him in the cargo bay late into the sleep cycle. Serenity on auto and everyone tucked quiet and happy in their bunks. 'Cept for him and her and he knew what was coming long before she climbed into his lap without a word and kissed him hard and desperate. Had nothin' at all to do with him 'cept for him being a warm willing body to scratch that frantic little itch of hers. That's all she thought of him, thought he was, like some gorram love-bot. Wouldn't do to say anything against that. She wouldn't listen and he'd lose this only chance that he'd built for himself all careful like. Wasn't no accident he was lifting weights this late when he coulda been sleeping.
It had started not long after that mission at the whore house. Started noticing Kaylee watching him. Watching Simon too, but she done that all the time. No, she started looking at him 'cause she had an itch and the one she really wanted wasn't to keen on providing relief. But there was a plenty willing body on board and he wasn't sure on how she caught on that he wanted her. Mebbe just figured he wanted any woman that wondered in sight and reach of his hands. He didn't care none, not 'bout that. All he cared about was that Kaylee wanted him. Hell, it wasn't in the way he wanted her to want him, but out in the black a man like him couldn't get picky about what he got. Had to be happy with the fact that you got something at all. So he showed his attention plenty and riled her up good and proper until she wasn't thinking straight. Wasn't hard to do. She was already halfway there by the time he got to her. It was fun though, getting her the rest of the way.
He started off slowly. Just brushes against her as they passed in the corridors. Slight enough not to question, but enough to give ideas. He knew she was the type not to be shy about rutting and being appreciative of a male body. Knew his was nothing to turn a nose up at and he played on both those. Gave her a hint of feel of what she'd only seen. Mebbe kicked those little random half thoughts into full on consideration. Waited a while to kick it up a notch.
Took it from casual brushes to pressin' up close to her when there wasn't no one like Mal around who'd space him he ever saw this. But Jayne was careful and Kaylee wasn't kickin' up a fuss. Running away, sometimes. Only when he pressed up behind her when she wasn't expectin' it and breathed hot and promising over her bare neck until she shivered and felt like giving in, right then and there. She wasn't the only one that walked away when it got like that. He did it plenty just 'cause he knew it made her crazy.
He noticed when she started sleeping less and took to hiding out in the engine room more. Didn't deter him none. Gave him more private space to corner her in. Warm in there too and he'd always liked how the glow down there made her look. All full of color and life and she was beautiful like that and sometimes it hurt and he hated this stupid game they'd-he'd- started. Too far gone down that road though, to put a stop to it. Told himself at least she was looking at him now, even though it wasn't like how he wanted. It was gonna have to be enough. He didn't think she noticed when he sometimes pressed his face into her hair and just inhaled so the sweet flower and thick engine grease scent of her was imbedded in his very being. Wasn't gonna get a chance like this ever again. He needed to get what he could.
Started working out more, made sure she was around to see it. Didn't invite the preacher those times and wasn't nobody else around 'ceptin' moonbrain that one time. Waited 'til she was watching him after he'd finished up before he toweled down. Stripping off his shirt and cleaning off the sweat. Her eyes would watch him though she was still as stone wherever she happened to be standing. Knew she came down here just for this. He was hard most times he finished, both from the working out and thinking about her all the time. Knew she saw that too and the loose shorts he wore when he exercised did nothing to hide it. Gave her ideas about what he could do for her, he knew.
After that it was just a waiting game. Waiting for when she'd break and come for him to satisfy that itch he'd tickled up good and proper. Kept at her 'cause if he backed down it'd die down and he'd worked hard for it. Been a long time since he had. He was more of a quick satisfaction type of man. Every now and then though, things like this were good. The long slow burn of it that could last for weeks if done proper. The end would be quick, so it weren't about that. It was all about how they got there though sometimes it made him think a mite too much on why he wanted her so gorram bad to go through all this. The answer was always simple, but it never sat easy in his gut.
He was almost disappointed when she finally broke and climbed onto his lap and kissed him. It meant this whole thing was over and he wasn't gonna get to touch her ever again. He wanted it to last longer just so he could. But he wasn't gonna push her away so that it could. She tasted to ruttin' good to do that. So he grabbed her hips and pulled her tight to him so he could grind his already hard length against her until she moaned all broken and needy. Didn't need no more of an invitation to start taking over the kissing, claiming her mouth for his, even if it was just for now. Just for his forever.
Tangled his hands in all that russet hair, the fingerless gloves he wore catching on the soft strands. It was all warm on his skin, like the rest of her. Mouth hot over his, tongue scorching as it battled his. All wrapped around him, arms and legs, and breathy need and he too happy to oblige. Wasted no time in taking his hands from her hair and shoving one up her shirt, closing possessively over a full breast. She made this high breathy moan when he scraped his hand over her nipple, the fabric rough, just the right side of pleasure and not pain. Wanted the restrictions off, but there was time for that when they started to get naked. Right now, he just wanted to touch a little of everything, to start memories that would have to carry him from here on out.
She was impatient and he wasn't far behind. Patience never been one of his strong qualities, but he had something to lose if he lost it. She was pulling at his clothes and he was helping exactly none. Was taking his time with scraping his teeth along her jaw and licking at where her pulse trembled there at the base of her throat. Grabbing her butt and pulling her nice and tight against him. Kissing her again when she had his shirt half way up so she's forgot what she was doing and wrapped her arms around his shoulders again. He liked that better than the touchin' in a way. Was more intimate or something to feel an embrace and not just lust filled touches. So he kept kissin' her even though he wanted to put his mouth on other parts of her more.
Came a point though when he couldn't ignore his own need anymore. She was a right begging mess by then and it was worth holding out that long. He was gonna miss that. He pushed her off his lap and followed her up to standing, pulling off his shirt in one rough move. Kicked off his boots and watched her do the same. She turned away, though, when she went to pull the shirt off and over her head. Made something break within him, and what was left was all ugly like shattered bone and shredded flesh. It made him come up behind her and lean into her 'til she had no choice but to brace herself on the crate in front of her.
"This how you want it?" He husked, grinding into her backside.
She trembled, her whole body shuddering against his, head hanging between her spread arms. "Yeah." All breath and need and little of her voice within it.
Whatever was left of that broken thing in him shattered and burned up and blew away. She didn't want to see his face when they were rutting. Wanted it to be some one else still. Well, they'd come this far. Wasn't any point in turning back now.
He jerked her pants and unders off, kicked them to the side with the rest of their clothing. His following suit before he ripped the gloves off and hurtled them across the cargo bay. Pressed in close against her, noticed how they was both sweating already and how it made there skin rub and glide together. Loved that feeling of hot flesh against hot flesh and the scent of it. Bit at her shoulder as he reached around and cupped her breast in his hand, finally unrestricted by any fabric. Had the belated thought that he hadn't actually gotten to taste them. Rubbed and squeezed at all that softness in his rough hand until she was moaning and rocking against him as he licked and bit at her neck and shoulder, whatever skin he could get his mouth on to make up for not being able to have the bit he wanted. Held her hip as she kept moving against him and making all those little noises. Held her still else he was gonna go blow his load before he ever got inside her and that would be a waste of everything. But she was making it damn hard to hold back what with the moving and the sounds. He wanted to take his time to touch and feel all of her and all she wanted was to get it done.
He wasn't to keen to oblige on that front, but he pressed his fingers to her wet warmth anyway. Slid them inside and rubbed just so until she was crying out, all soft and trying to hold it in. Just 'cause everyone was supposed to be asleep didn't mean they were and no need to call attention to this. This was just between them, no one else but them and Simon like a dark thundercloud throughout it all. Jayne didn't want none of that thought; pressed his fingers in deeper until the cries and little sounds got a little louder and quicker. Kept at it and rubbing her nipple in the same rhythm until she pressed her face into her shoulder to muffle the cries as she came. He almost did to. Kaylee wasn't one to sit still during rutting; her whole body getting into the act and he felt the effects of all that smooth hot slick skin rubbing against his own. Had to grip her hips hard to hold her still as she came on down. Just needed a moment to pull himself back from that edge before he started pushing her towards it again. When he did he wasn't gentle about it, too close to have the patience or the ability to hold back. She didn't have any complaints if her starting moving again was any indication. Grabbing his wrist and holding it where it was as she moved herself on him, riding his fingers. Any other time he would have taken the time to really enjoy that, but not right now. Now he pulled his hand away to hold her hips again as he thrust in one long smooth glide. Pressed his face into her sweaty hair, still full of flowers and grease and now salty heat, as he held still to let her adjust. All tight and searing heat and he wondered that it musta been a while for her to feel like this. Could see now why she had that itch to start looking at him when she ran out of patience with Simon. Didn't mean she wasn't still hung up over that hun dan prissy piece of go se Core boy. Just meant she was a woman with needs that hadn't been seen to. This was just rutting and it had nothing to do with love.
It made him angry a little, made him not wait for her anymore and start moving. She went with him, following the beat he set and it was hard and demanding. Spread himself over her more until her back was bowed into his chest. Had to brace his arms next to hers as he increased his speed and depth. He had the irrational need for her to feel him all the way through her like he did with her, since the day he'd seen her. She'd smiled at him as he'd walked on board and it had burned through him cleaner and more deadly than any laser shot ever had. Took up residence and never left and he wanted her to feel the same. Knew she never would, not in the sense he did, but she could in the physical sense. He'd brand his body on hers as surely as she was on him, through him, probably forever. Pulled her hair out of the way so he could lean over and mouth under her ear, across her jaw until he could maneuver his mouth over hers. Wasn't really a kiss, just their open gasping mouths pressed haphazardly together. Teeth biting, tongues swiping, hot breath and broken cries and groans passed back and forth.
He wanted this to be somewhere else, some other way. Somewhere where he could spread her out on her back and watch her as he took her, claimed this little bit of her for himself. Kissed her as they rutted, properly. Kiss and feast on her breasts like he wanted. But none of this is how he wanted it to be so it didn't surprise him that he couldn't have the simple wish of kissing her as they rutted together. Didn't surprise him any either when she took her mouth from his and hung her head down as she got close. It consoled him none when she reached back and wrapped a small little hand around his thick thigh and dug, holding on as she began to ride out the last wave. Crying out again and again as he slammed home again and again, taking what he could of her for himself 'cause she wasn't ever going to give it to him. Even now, as she was coming around him and he inside of her, she wasn't giving anything to him. Wasn't his name she was gasping out over and over again 'less he'd died somewhere in all of this and came back as some one named "Simon". Mebbe wished he had a little as he heard another man's name falling from the lips of the woman he loved as they made love. He had to remind himself it wasn't that as he learned to breathe again, face pressed into the sweaty skin of her back. They hadn't been making love. They'd been rutting and he'd learned early on in life there was a difference. Learned that no one ever made love to him, just used him as a stand in for a dream that hadn't come true and the bitter thought had him pulling out and away to grab at his clothes.
She was quicker than him. Throwing on the barest necessities before holding her boots and the remainders of her clothing to her chest as she ran up the stairs and away from him without a look back or a thank you. Left him to sit alone in nothing but his shorts on the weight bench and wonder why the hell he'd just done that. Didn't know himself if he meant letting her go or letting this whole thing happen. Figured it mattered none 'cause it was done and there was nothing he could do now. They'd rutted and she was all shiny now, running off with whatever had been left of his broken heart. He was left with nothing but the fading scent of her on his skin and the phantom feel of her in his hands, her taste tingling on his lips. And the next morning he knew he'd grin and jibe at Simon and call River names 'cause that's what he did, what everyone expected of him. Pick up all the little broken pieces of himself and shove them inside that gaping chest wound that had been made just that much bigger. But right then, that night alone in the cargo bay, he let his head fall into his hands and remember exactly what it was he'd never have again.
A/N: I've gotten a lot of people saying that Kaylee isn't really in character in this and I agree, buuuuuutttttt. I dunno. It was just the way she came out and I tried changing it, but it just sorta ruined the rest of the fic, so I left it alone. Hope ya'll enjoy!!!